"I Love You"

Three words. Acid on my tongue. Do they mean anything anymore? I think not. They mean nothing, nothing, nothing. They are worthless. When those three syllables escape from my tongue, I want to mean it. I want the person I say it to to know that I mean something. I want them to know that they had better hold my hand tight, or I might just slip into hell. This nullifying inertia is sickening me. I hate it. It's a feeling of helplessness, of being backed up in a corner. I'm unable to move, I can't see anything through my tears. Fear fills me, replacing my anger. Anger, anger, anger. Such a demon had so nearly consumed my life. Anger at myself. Anger tuned inward. Each line a tragedy. You want to see a tragedy? Look around you. Look at the hate you are drowning in. Look at the false hope you are giving out like the worthless slips of paper you've used to tie your noose. Tightening more and more, you're suffocating. You can't breathe. Pain is more of that same old and time-tested feeling; one of boredom and apathy. Nothing matters anymore. You don't, they don't, nothing does. After an eternity of self-induced torture, a light appears. A measly, yellow light. You don't even notice it at first. And then, a pale, fragile hand descends into your pit. A hand to pull you up and out. You get out and you're on the surface once again. But then your savior ignores you. They turn their back on you, and you're back where you started. Problem is, you've already seen what it's like to be outside. And now all you can think about is how to get back to there. And you realize something, something important.

You're never going back.

Take a breath of air, smile, and get comfortable; because you aren't going anywhere.

The Brass Insects

The soft hum
Of the brass insects above us,
Drowning out the sound
Of my uncertainty indefinitely
Clicking, flickering
They twitch like burning yellow flowers
And, like my heart
It is of no difficulty to make them glow.

The brass pipes
Of the Earth twists up like spires around us,
Jutting into the soft belly,
The flesh of the sky,
Dark trails of smoke cutting and slicing into her
Like black nails clawing.

The world, my world
Torn to shreds, it falls
Slowly drifting down in lace-like curls
Writhing gently and defying fears
Whispering faint lullabies in my ears.

As I dream on,
It becomes more and more difficult
To separate reality, wants and desires
Until they are so bled together
They are one color.

The Strings are Twisted

Pulling and pricking,
Ripping and tearing.
I am the dark one, soulless
I wait in the corners of your nightmares
and I watch you.

Twisting you, leading you,
I will solve all your problems,
Don't worry child, the nightmare is gone now,
(Oh yes, he is gone, he's right beside you now)
I am your master, a mindless null
I sit in the shadows of your life
and I follow you.

Pushing you, pulling you,
I will answer all your questions,
Don't worry child, I won't leave you with anything-
anything to put your life back together with
I pull your strings, you are my mindless null
I stand above you life, forcing you, guiding you
and you will never even notice.

-DICTATOR-


-- I have dedicated this poem to anonymous. Hope he likes it.--

The Beautiful Silence

Will you go out with me into the nothing,
Falling forever, a thousand years upon a thousand,
Extinguished and broken beyond any subtle musings,
Beyond any hope of repair, my soul bends to your will.
We suffocate the Earth, screaming at this gentle spiral,
It has become a hell bent ride to extinction.

I claw at your hand, trying to get my death grip,
Just like I claw my way up this mountain of fear,
As it suffocates my heart, draining me.
I hold your hand, we stand upon the cliff face,
As we listen to the ocean roar of the city below us,
As we watch the fires go out, their orange streaks like fiery blood
As we watch the sun die, its last rays being silenced by the columns of smoke.

Thunder peals through the valley, throwing me to my feet, prostrate
Twisted, yellow and broken teeth tear at me, laugh at me.

The world is silent now, no cries of pain and no laughter.
The only motion is the ash, slowly swirling down, beautifully
Dancing her way to my feet, I turn away from the scene and I begin to weep
My tears fall into the burning hot ash, and I move my legs
They must carry me away from here, I can't look any longer
I close my eyes to ignore it all, and, stumbling, I fall in the night.

I fall forever, a thousand years, into the beautiful silence.
Are you ready still?
Take my hand as I drag you into my hell, as I pull you to your heaven
Are you afraid still?
Watch me as the nightmares disappear, fade into the walls.
You want me to leave still?
This is a dream.
Close your eyes, as the symphony of insects plays over and over,
As they slip into your skin, pushing lead into your eyelids.
I fall over, deafened by the silence
Make up your mind please, dear
I grow weary of your indecisiveness.

Inertia builds up in veins, until I reach the breaking point
I scream, exhaling my fears.
I dream, sleeping in the wiry phantasms,
I close my eyes and open them.
I am found.

Firesong

Burning hands, alight
Within the concentric circles
of my self-created hells

Burning hands, shine
Igniting the despair and the anger
of my self-created sadness

You whisper, nearly silent
Now I am empty, finally; I exhale
and I breathe in your joy

Spiraling into addiction,
I have become dependent
on your self-created happiness

I am alight
A torch, burning
destroying my previous notions
Of the way I said I should feel.

I want to ignite you,
like a wildfire.

Trees Grown in Ashes

I closed my eyes in the dark,
and I waited
It hurt, yet felt better than most things
draining my emotions more swiftly
Any pain, any sadness burned away
replaced by ash and apathy
Red blood, contrasting pale, soft flesh
blooms and radiates heat
Covering me in warmth,
disgust and waves of nausea
Needle weaving in and out
of the fabric of my hands
Each time a dark thought escaped my mouth
it painted my world in darker hues
Until the only colors left were blacks and blues
the palette of my canvas
I closed my eyes in the dark,
and I waited.



A long tale which I shall elaborate upon some other (ungodly) hour.

Akayematu Isika Mahwa

Akayematu isika mahwa,
eya umetaza tarë
Mäte verhuatu raza;
mahse itütatu
Almenanatu hertep mahwa,
e arilan ahamaza.

-A poem in Äay, my current language that I'm working on. Eventually I'll get around to making arecording of it, it sounds better out loud.